African Psycho Read online

  “What is it now, Rectangular Head, are you bringing me good news or not?” he said.

  “Great Master, I must talk to you, it’s very important,” I answered.

  “Ah, here we go! When am I going to rest at last and not be disturbed by your wailing?”

  “Great Master, you are everything to me.”

  “You are not doing anything to convince me of your faith!”

  “I do my best, Great Master, and you know it, you who see everything…”

  “This is unbelievable, really! You are the one who visits me the most and yet you are the least gifted!”

  “Great Master, I made a mistake and I’ve come to confess…”

  “This is not your first, let me remind you!”

  “I am just an imbecile, Great Master.”

  “That goes without saying! I am relieved that you are now aware of it, which saves me wasting my breath.”

  “I don’t understand what happened to me last night, Great Master.”

  “You don’t understand anything that is happening to you anyway!”

  “Yet I was just one hair’s breadth away from my first murder, Great Master.”

  “And so you come and disturb me for a failure! When will it be for some real news?”

  “It’s going to be soon. I’ve had enough, Great Master, plus…”

  “What, are you crying like last time?”

  “I can’t help it, Great Master…”

  “Imbecile, what do you want me to do, huh? Go kill in your stead? Is that it?”

  “Great Master, the truth is that in this case I…”

  “Don’t count on me!”

  “I would like to remind you that…”

  “Speak fast, I don’t have time to devote to you like last time, when you told me about your little car theft.”

  “I want to be your disciple, Great Master, it is for this reason that I do all this…”

  “Ahaha! He is not yet born who will come up to my heel, if that!”

  “I agree, Great Master, you are without equal…”

  “You think I am blind below this dirt?”

  “No, Great Master, I wouldn’t dare think that.”

  “You think I am the type to let myself be eaten up by worms?”

  “No, Great Master, I wouldn’t dare think of that.”

  “You know that from here I saw what you did yesterday in the He-Who-Drinks-Water-Is-An-Idiot neighborhood?”

  “Yes, great Master, we all know that you see everything…”

  “I see everything how…?”

  “Yes, like the eye of Cain, Great Master.”

  “That’s good. You’ve learned your lesson.”

  “Thank you very much, Great Master.”

  “Let’s go back to your deed last night. Are you proud of yourself?”

  “No, Great Master…”

  “Is this how a true criminal behaves himself?”

  “No, Great Master…”

  “Is this how I would have acted?”

  “No, Great Master…”

  “Stop repeating ‘Great Master’ like a parrot, it is really starting to get on my nerves!”

  “Yes, Great Master…”

  “Imbecile! You brought disgrace to a profession I made this city respect.”

  “Great Master, the fact of the matter is I had too much to drink, but what must I do now?”

  “Who is the killer? Is it you or me?”

  “It’s me, Great Master…”

  “Therefore, it is for you to know when, how and where, is this perfectly clear?”

  “Great Master, your experience is…”

  “Ah, that’s just how I picture stupidity! Every criminal has his manner of killing, and it is not by aping what I accomplished that you will get people talking about you. As I do for all those who come here, I will repeat to you that there was and there will be only one Angoualima in this country, is that clear?”

  “It’s very clear, Great Master, you are our example, our guide and…”

  “You are nothing but a pathetic character!”

  “Great Master…”

  “Yes, a pathetic character!”

  “Great Master, if you will allow me, you congratulated me once when I told you about the assault on my adoptive brother, his eye that I had…”

  “Yes, but you didn’t kill him, this scion of the wealthy, so why bother me with that?”

  “I was young, I was taking my first steps, Great Master!”

  “There’s no good age to be a fool, you’ve proved it!”

  “Great Master…”

  “There was just one time I was proud of you, that’s all, I don’t see any other occasion.”

  “Yes, Great Master?”

  “One time only, and I told you so: You took up my defense on the program Listeners Speak Out. From where I was hiding I told myself, what nerve, this young man has a future! Alas, I was wrong.”

  “Great Master, you congratulated me nevertheless…”

  “And so what? Is this what makes you think I’ve handed you the torch of crime in this shitty city?”

  “No, Great Master…”

  “I allowed you to address me casually in front of my grave. As a matter of fact you are the only one who has this right. That was to thank you for your intervention in Listeners Speak Out. That’s not enough for you?”

  “It suits me, Great Master…”

  “Now we’re even, Rectangular Head!”